Latrobe Regional Church of Christ

Archive for June, 2009

Jun-8-09

Quest for joy

posted by Sue

Quest for Joy: Six Biblical Truths

John Piper

Did you know that God commands us to be glad?

“Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.” (Psalm 37:4)

1) God created us for his glory

“Bring my sons from afar and my daughters from the ends of the earth,… whom I created for my glory” (Isaiah 43:6-7)

God made us to magnify his greatness - the way telescopes magnify stars. He created us to put his goodness and truth and beauty and wisdom and justice on display. The greatest display of God’s glory comes from deep delight in all that he is. This means that God gets the praise and we get the pleasure. God created us so that he is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in him.

2) Every human should live for God’s glory

“So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God” (1 Corinthians 10:31).

If God made us for his glory, it is clear that we should live for his glory. Our duty comes from his design. So our first obligation is to show God’s value by being satisfied with all that he is for us. This is the essence of loving God (Matthew 22:37) and trusting him (1 John 5:3-4) and being thankful to him (Psalm 100:2-4) It is the root of all true obedience, especially loving others (Colossians 1:4-5).

3) All of us have failed to glorify God as we should

“All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23).

What does it mean to “fall short of the glory of God?” It means that none of us has trusted and treasured God the way we should. We have not been satisfied with his greatness and walked in his ways. We have sought our satisfaction in other things, and treated them as more valuable than God, which is the essence of idolatry (Romans 1:21-23). Since sin came into the world we have all been deeply resistant to having God as our all-satisfying treasure (Ephesians 2:3). This is an appalling offense to the greatness of God (Jeremiah 2:12-13).

4) All of us are subject to God’s just condemnation

“The wages of sin is death…” (Romans 6:23).

We have all belittled the glory of God. How? By preferring other things above him. By our ingratitude, distrust and disobedience. So God is just in shutting us out from the enjoyment of his glory forever. “They will suffer the punishment of eternal destruction and exclusion from the presence of the Lord and from the glory of his might” (2 Thessalonians 1:9).

The word “hell” is used in the New Testament twelve times - eleven times by Jesus himself. It is not a myth created by dismal and angry preachers. It is a solemn warning from the Son of God who died to deliver sinners from its curse. We ignore it at great risk.

If the Bible stopped here in its analysis of the human condition, we would be doomed to a hopeless future. However, this is not where it stops…

5) God sent his only son Jesus to provide eternal life and joy

“Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners…” (1 Timothy 1:15)

The good news is that Christ died for sinners like us. And he rose physically from the dead to validate the saving power of his death and to open the gates of eternal life and joy (1 Corinthians 15:20). This means God can acquit guilty sinners and still be just (Romans 3:25-26). “For Christ died for sins once for all, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring us to God” (1 Peter 3:18). Coming home to God is where all deep and lasting satisfaction is found.

6) The benefits purchased by the death of Christ belong to those who repent and trust him

“Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out” (Acts 3:19). “Believe in the Lord Jesus and you will be saved” (Acts 16:31).

“Repent” means to turn from all the deceitful promises of sin. “Faith” means being satisfied with all that God promises to be for us in Jesus. “He who believes in me,” Jesus says, “shall never thirst” (John 6:35). We do not earn our salvation. We cannot merit it (Romans 4:4-5). It is by grace through faith (Ephesians 2:8-9). It is a free gift (Romans 3:24). We will have it if we cherish it above all things (Matthew 13:44). When we do that, God’s aim in creation is accomplished: He is glorified in us and we are satisfied in him - forever.

Does this make sense to you?

Do you desire the kind of gladness that comes from being satisfied with all that God is for you in Jesus? If so, then God is at work in your life.

What should you do?

Turn from the deceitful promises of sin. Call upon Jesus to save you from the guilt and punishment and bondage. “All who call upon the name of the Lord will be saved” (Romans 10:13). Start banking your hope on all that God is for you in Jesus. Break the power of sin’s promises by faith in the superior satisfaction of God’s promises. Begin reading the Bible to find his precious and very great promises, which can set you free (2 Peter 1:3-4). Find a Bible-believing church and begin to worship and grow together with other people who treasure Christ above all things (Philippians 3:7).

The best news in the world is that there is no necessary conflict between our happiness and God’s holiness. Being satisfied with all that God is for us in Jesus magnifies him as a great Treasure.

“You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.” (Psalm 16:11)

Bible Verses

Jesus replied: “`Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’” (Matthew 22:37)

This is love for God: to obey his commands. And his commands are not burdensome, for everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith. (1 John 5:3-4)

Worship the LORD with gladness; come before him with joyful songs. Know that the LORD is God. It is he who made us, and we are his [1]; we are his people, the sheep of his pasture. Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name. (Psalms 100:2-4)

…because we have heard of your faith in Christ Jesus and of the love you have for all the saints–the faith and love that spring from the hope that is stored up for you in heaven and that you have already heard about in the word of truth, the gospel… (Colossians 1:4-5)

For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened. Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like mortal man and birds and animals and reptiles. (Romans 1:21-23)

All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our sinful nature and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature objects of wrath. (Ephesians 2:3)

Be appalled at this, O heavens, and shudder with great horror,” declares the LORD. “My people have committed two sins: They have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water. (Jeremiah 2:12-13)

But Christ has indeed been raised from the dead, the firstfruits of those who have fallen asleep. (1 Corinthians 15:20)

God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood. He did this to demonstrate his justice, because in his forbearance he had left the sins committed beforehand unpunished–he did it to demonstrate his justice at the present time, so as to be just and the one who justifies those who have faith in Jesus. (Romans 3:25-26)

Now when a man works, his wages are not credited to him as a gift, but as an obligation. However, to the man who does not work but trusts God who justifies the wicked, his faith is credited as righteousness. (Romans 4:4-5)

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith–and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God–not by works, so that no one can boast. (Ephesians 2:8-9)

and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. (Romans 3:24)

“The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field. (Matthew 13:44)

His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires. (2 Peter 1:3-4)

But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. (Philippians 3:7)

Appearances of the word “hell” in the New Testament

But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to his brother, `Raca,’ is answerable to the Sanhedrin. But anyone who says, `You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell. (Matthew 5:22 Jesus speaking)

If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. (Matthew 5:29 Jesus speaking)

And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell. (Matthew 5:30 Jesus speaking)

Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. (Matthew 10:28 Jesus speaking)

And if your eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life with one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into the fire of hell. (Matthew 18:9 Jesus speaking)

“Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You travel over land and sea to win a single convert, and when he becomes one, you make him twice as much a son of hell as you are. (Matthew 23:15 Jesus speaking)

“You snakes! You brood of vipers! How will you escape being condemned to hell? (Matthew 23:33 Jesus speaking)

If your hand causes you to sin, cut it off. It is better for you to enter life maimed than with two hands to go into hell, where the fire never goes out. (Mark 9:43 Jesus speaking)

And if your foot causes you to sin, cut it off. It is better for you to enter life crippled than to have two feet and be thrown into hell. (Mark 9:45 Jesus speaking)

And if your eye causes you to sin, pluck it out. It is better for you to enter the kingdom of God with one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into hell, (Mark 9:47 Jesus speaking)

But I will show you whom you should fear: Fear him who, after the killing of the body, has power to throw you into hell. Yes, I tell you, fear him. (Luke 12:5 Jesus speaking)

In hell, where he was in torment, he looked up and saw Abraham far away, with Lazarus by his side. (Luke 16:23 Jesus speaking)

The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell. (James 3:6 James speaking).

For if God did not spare angels when they sinned, but sent them to hell, putting them into gloomy dungeons to be held for judgment; (2 Peter 2:4 Peter speaking)

Scripture taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of International Bible Society. “NIV” and “New International Version” are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark office by International Bible Society.

© Desiring God

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Please include the following statement on any distributed copy: By John Piper. © Desiring God. Website: http://www.desiringgod.org/

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Jun-8-09

Overcoming sin

posted by Sue

Five Difficult Steps for Overcoming Sin

Dr. Chuck Betters

I have mixed feelings about making New Year’s resolutions. In the first place, I’m not certain that it’s a Biblical concept. The Holy Spirit, not a New Year’s resolution, is the Agent of meaningful transformation in our lives. If, instead, our focus is on what we can do in our own strength, making resolutions has the same feel to it as the widely established non-biblical doctrine that “The Lord helps them that help themselves.” The truth is, if you added the word “cannot,” as in “The Lord helps them that cannot help themselves,” you’d be on the road to sound biblical doctrine.

Another potential pitfall with New Year’s resolutions is intentionally waiting for New Year’s Day to fix something that is broken, especially if sin is involved. Sin needs our immediate attention. It’s the same feeling you get when you hear an inexperienced parent give a disobedient child “until the count of three” to obey. The take-away message for the child, of course, is that a deferred 33% obedience rate is acceptable. In reality, “obey” and “later” (or “next year”) don’t work well together in the same sentence.

On the other hand, if anyone should have reason to make a New Year’s resolution, it should be Christians. We have been freed from the bondage of sin by the Holy Spirit, Who is able to effect genuine transformation in our lives. If you want a picture of this liberation, put yourself in the place of the demon-possessed man in Mark 5:1-20. If God can overcome the spiritual bondage described in that passage, He can overcome the sin patterns in our life as well.

Jonathan Edwards was a man who made resolutions, though not in the form of New Year’s resolutions. In his long list of resolutions He included: “Resolved, to live with all my might while I do live; Resolved, never to lose one moment of time, but improve it in the most profitable way I possibly can; Resolved, never to do anything, which if I should see in another, I should count a just occasion to despise him for, or to think any way the more meanly of him; Resolved, never to do anything out of revenge; Resolved, that I will live so as I shall wish I had done when I come to die.”

For most, a more focused and realistic goal would be a resolution to cooperate with the Holy Spirit in order to be delivered from one particular area of sin in your life.

This will not come as a surprise to non-Christian onlookers, but just being saved does not give Christians immediate deliverance from sin patterns, especially those that have been developing over many years. Addictions to alcohol, drugs, and pornography, for example, are extremely hard to break. Nevertheless, there are concrete steps that you can take to put yourself in the path of God’s grace for deliverance from all types of sin, but you must be resolute in your determination to be freed.

In my Father’s Day sermon this year, I identified seven principles that every father must teach his children. One of those principles had to do with dealing with temptation and life-dominating sin. Here is an outline of a practical series of steps that you can follow when you are tempted to turn towards sin in your life:

1) First we should thank God for the temptation; it is an opportunity for our personal growth. Begin with a prayer to God thanking Him for the trial. Remember, it is not a sin to be tempted - temptation becomes sin when we turn towards that temptation in the direction of sin.

2) Next we must move away from the direction of the sin. If it is coming at you, change your course. Put as much distance as you can between you and the source of the temptation - run if you have to.

3) As you are moving way from the source of temptation, quote scripture that you have memorized that applies directly to the area of temptation. For example, if your struggle is with sexual immorality, quote 1 Corinthians 6:18-20. Do this while you are moving away from the source of temptation.

You can get help from your pastor, an elder, or another qualified trained counselor in your church to help identify scripture that applies your sin and to help identify other spiritual disciplines that can be employed to reduce the incidence of temptation.

4) Find yourself an “angel of accountability.” Confess to that person that there is a specific sin that you are struggling with and ask that person to hold you accountable in that area. More is said about accountability partners below.

5) Finally, make for yourself and carry around a “think and do list” specific to your particular sin - sometimes called a “Philippians 4 list.” In Philippians 4:8-9 we read “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me - put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.”

So work with your accountability partner to make up a card or group of cards - one for each “whatever is…” in Philippians 4:8 - and come up with a list of things that you can do that would be admirable, or lovely, etc. This completes the process of dealing with the sin. The first part is to “put off” the sin; the last part is to “put something good on in its place.” That is, do something good!

Your accountability partner MUST be willing to ask you pointed questions, such as the following two, each week; moreover, you must promise to answer honestly and to hide nothing from your accountability partner. The first question is “How many times were you tempted in your sin area this week?” The second question is “How many times did you turn towards the sin?”

As you struggle for freedom from sin patterns you will be tempted over and over again - consider keeping a detailed count of the number of times you are tempted for the purpose of tracking progress. It is NO sin to be tempted. We sin the moment we take a small step in the direction of the sin (rather than running away from the temptation). We sin the moment we hesitate from turning away from temptation. Again, to track progress, consider keeping, and reporting, a count of the number of times you actually sinned.

One other recommendation regarding your selection of an accountability partner - consider making it someone that you ABSOLUTELY do not want to have to report failure to, such as a younger Christian who considers you more mature in your faith, but who is mature enough to handle helping you with your spiritual temptations. Knowing that you will have to report failure, and knowing that it is someone to whom you do not want to have to report failure, is powerful motivation that will make you think before sinning.

This sounds like a lot of work, and it is - but if you employ these steps in dealing with sin struggles and in getting control over your thought-life, there is no reason to be resigned to defeat. Why not make a New Year’s resolution to gain victory over one sin area in your life? And why not start working on that resolution today?

Dr. Chuck Betters has been the pastor of Glasgow Reformed Presbyterian Church in Bear, Delaware since 1986. He has a daily radio program, airing since 1994, In His Grip, which can be accessed online at www.MARKINC.org. Along with the development of numerous audio and video resources designed to help heal broken hearts, he is also co-author of Treasures of Faith, Living Boldly in View of God’s Promises.

From www.crosswalk.com

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Jun-8-09

Are you in a verbally abusive marriage?

posted by Sue

Life with Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde: The Verbally Abusive Marriage

Dr. David Hawkins

Editor’s Note: Do you need sound, Biblically-based advice on an issue in your marriage or family? Dr. David will address questions from Crosswalk readers in his weekly column. Submit your question to him at: TheRelationshipDoctor@gmail.com.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Tom said angrily to his wife, Kari. “You’re crazy and everyone knows it. Even your friends think you’re nuts.”

“I can’t believe you’re talking to me this way,” Kari said, still trying to gather her wits. She stood in her kitchen stunned.

“You’re ridiculous,” he shouted.

“Please don’t talk to me like this,” she said weakly.

“I can and I will,” Tom asserted. “You need a good shrink, but I doubt even he could help you.”

Kari started to cry.

“Oh, and now you’re going to cry, trying to make me feel bad,” Tom said, hovering over her and pointing his finger. “You’re pathetic.”

With that Tom walked out of the house, slamming the door.

Kari crumpled to the floor, oblivious to the fact that their two children were quietly sitting in their rooms, praying the fighting would stop.

Kari wouldn’t talk about scenes like this for years, partly because of shame and partly because of fear. It’s never easy to share facts about verbal abuse in marriage. It’s never easy to admit your husband, or wife, has shameful aspects to their personality.

You may be tempted to believe a scene like this happens infrequently. You might think it could never happen in a Christian home. Yet, neither of these facts are true–verbal abuse occurs frequently and in Christian homes. Verbal abuse is part of far too many relationships, with 98% of victims being female, and is characterized by the following:

Attacks on personal character

Blame and accusations

Shame and judging

Sarcasm and twisting what you say

Rewriting history

Playing the victim

Manipulation, control and coercion

Unpredictable explosions

Criticism that is harsh and undeserved

Swearing

Intimidation

Escalating situations

Certainly we can see several of these symptoms in the above situation. Tom degrades Kari, as well as using shame in an attempt to make her feel bad and conform to his expectations. He taunts her for crying, and calls her names. He tries to undermine her esteem by telling her she needs professional help. His actions are deplorable.

In a world where Dr. Jekyl can turn into the harsh, abusive Mr. Hyde in an instant, it is common to tiptoe, walking on eggshells. You don’t know what will set him off, or when. You are afraid of him, and are never sure what he is capable of doing. You apologize unnecessarily, and are compliant to his wishes and control. Deep inside you know his actions are wrong, but you’ve been hurt so many times and your self-esteem has suffered. You try again and again to make the verbal abuse seem “normal.” You rationalize that the abuse will end and he’ll improve, tomorrow–but tomorrow never comes.

How can we better understand Tom? We must be careful to see that he is complex, with different sides to his personality–some quite horrific.

Tom is not simply a ‘bad man.’ He does many good, virtuous things: He sings in the choir, coaches his children’s soccer, and serves on the Elder board at his church. He is dedicated to his family, and believes in the sanctity of his marriage. He has never cheated on his wife and would never consider divorce.

Tom has a hidden side to his personality, a side that he doesn’t like to admit. Behind the pleasant and responsible exterior, there is another Tom. He is abusive and controlling. He hates it when Kari insists that he change and tries to manipulate her into thinking it’s all her fault. While he is always sorry for his outbursts, he never truly makes efforts to change. In addition to being Dr. Jekyl, he is Mr. Hyde. As long as he denies these character traits, they will not go away.

Tolerating Tom’s behavior only reinforces and enables it. Men, and women, have rage issues partially because someone in their world tolerates and enables them. The victim is often tempted to hide these problems because of feeling embarrassed, ashamed and even frightened. When rage reactions and verbal abuse are no longer tolerated, however, they cease. Thus, it is critical that every couple expose any form of violence in their relationship, and determine to eradicate it.

The Scriptures speak strongly against verbal abuse. Proverbs 22: 24 says, “Do not associate with a man given to anger; or go with a hot-tempered man.” Ephesians 4: 21 says, “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.” Other Scriptures implore us to be even-minded, kind, considerate and caring. The fruits of the Spirit include self-control–not a characteristic of the verbally abusive individual.

Tom will not change without intervention. After confrontation, and in moments of apparent remorse, Tom may say he will change. As much as he insists that he can change, in all likelihood he won’t change until he must change. Being sorry for his actions isn’t enough. Promising to change isn’t enough. Changing for a short time isn’t enough. Rather, taking decisive actions that lead to true and lasting character change are necessary.

Tell Tom his verbal abuse will not be tolerated. When you set this boundary, you must be prepared to follow through. If he is verbally abusive again, insist that either he or you will leave temporarily until therapeutic change has been initiated.

If you are married to a man, or woman, who has a hidden problem with verbal violence, name it for what it is: abuse. Become informed about the symptoms of verbal abuse, and agree to end it. Then, after being clear about the destructive element in your marriage, agree on action that will lead to change–treatment. Insist that your husband, or wife, receive specific treatment that ensures change. Set a clear boundary that says violence won’t be tolerated. Not one ounce. Never.

If you are the victim of verbal abuse, seek safety. Find someone you can trust to share your information with and take steps to put an end to the violence. Please feel free to email me at TheRelationshipDoctor@Gmail.com or see information about The Marriage Recovery Center on my website.

Dr. Hawkins is the director of The Marriage Recovery Center, where he counsels couples in distress. He is the author of over 30 books, including When Pleasing Others Is Hurting You, Love Lost: Living Beyond a Broken Marriage, and Saying It So He’ll Listen. His newest books are titled The Relationship Doctor’s Prescription for Healing a Hurting Relationship and The Relationship Doctor’s Prescription for Living Beyond Guilt. Dr. Hawkins grew up in the beautiful Pacific Northwest and lives with his wife on the South Puget Sound where he enjoys sailing, biking, and skiing. He has active practices in two Washington cities.Read more about The Marriage Recover Center on Dr. David Hawkin’s website at www.YourRelationshipDoctor.com.

From www.crosswalk.com

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Jun-8-09

A devotional on body image

posted by Sue

If We’re Created in His Image, Why the Struggle with Body Image?

Deborah Raney and Tobi Layton

A fresh perspective…
Tobi Layton, married 7 years

Like most women, I’ve spent many a morning making frequent trips to the mirror, which I find quite disagreeable. And, like most wives, I’ve enlisted the help of my husband as fashion consultant. If you can call it help. “It looks fine,” is hardly helpful when I know good and well that my pants do, indeed, make my rear end look big. And every once in a great while, when I find that rare outfit that actually succeeds in making me look skinny, “fine” is not reassurance. Instead the word turns to an insult in my mind, making me doubt the clothes I was so excited about minutes ago.

More than once I’ve questioned why Ryan can’t just tell me what he thinks: a wolf whistle when I look great and a gentle, “maybe something else” when I look like an elephant. A few months ago, I got my answer.

Ryan and I were dressing to go out with friends and he had on a polo shirt, not unlike the dozen others he owns. I walked into the bathroom and felt like I’d stepped onto the set of “Freaky Friday” and we’d switched places. There he was staring at the mirror, with a frown on his face, turning this way and that, checking out all the angles of his reflection. Let me just pause to say that Ryan is more than just “fine” looking. I know I’m a little biased, but countless other women have echoed what I already know — that he is “fi-ine.” He has huge blue eyes framed by dark eyelashes, a sculpted face, broad shoulders, tan complexion and a tall lean, athletic frame.

But his build, however attractive to me, has always been an insecurity of his. Someone, somewhere along the way, told Ryan he was skinny and he’s believed it ever since. “This shirt makes my arms look skinny,” he stated, sounding scarily like me (only I wish I could find a shirt that would make anything look skinny). I told him the truth. The shirt looked great on him. “No it doesn’t. It looks stupid,” he answered in a harsh tone.

I could hardly believe it. So, I took him through the positive points of the outfit from top to bottom, thinking surely that would boost his ego and his mood. I was wrong. Now I was mad. Not only was he griping about a totally nonexistent problem, but he was more or less calling me a liar and getting mad at me for telling him how sexy he was! Exasperated, I said, “Fine! Wear whatever you want to wear. I don’t know what to say to make you happy!”

Whoa! Where have I heard that before? And suddenly, I realized how annoying I was! In five years of marriage, this was the first mirror incident hosted by Ryan, but how many times had I staged a similar scene? And I realize now that when I gripe about my appearance, I put Ryan in a position where he can’t win. If he denies my self-accusations and compliments me, I dismiss him as just telling me what I want to hear. If he tells me what I think is the truth (and fortunately for him, he’s never been brave enough to do so!), I’d be crushed. There was nothing he could say to make me happy. So, he had developed the best answer he could think of, the infamous “fine.”

God has given us the gift of physical attraction. I believe we have a responsibility to take care of our bodies for health’s sake and to honor our spouse. But when I am overly critical of my appearance, I dishonor God’s creation, insult my husband’s taste in women, and make my spirit less attractive. Instead, I should remember that I am “fearfully and wonderfully made” and when Ryan tells me so, it will be just fine with me.

A seasoned perspective…
Deborah Raney, married 34 years

Athletics and physical fitness have always been high priorities for my husband. Even now, at 53, he plays basketball three days a week to keep in shape. I should have been clued in to this priority early in our dating life. This man had played four sports in high school and football in college. When he wasn’t playing sports, he was watching sports on TV. From the very beginning, our dates often involved some sort of athletic pursuit–baseball, swimming, bicycling, jogging, etc.

If it was a test, I should have failed miserably. I’ve been a klutz all my life. Women’s athletics weren’t in vogue until about the time I graduated high school. But because I knew it was important to this man I wanted to marry, I somehow managed to fake my way through our engagement, appearing somewhat athletic.

But after we were married, and especially after the kids came along, I was much relieved to become a spectator only. Unfortunately, adding that to the ravages of four pregnancies, my body soon began to testify to my inactivity. It’s been a struggle every day since to keep my weight down and stay active enough that my heart gets the aerobic workout it needs.

At times this has been an issue in our marriage. Because Ken has worked so hard to stay fit, it bothers him a great deal when I don’t make the same effort. I understood his attitude better after reading Shaunti Feldhahn’s excellent book For Women Only (Multnomah 2004). In her chapter titled “The Truth About the Way You Look” she cites a survey that indicated seven out of ten men would be emotionally bothered if the woman in their life “let herself go.”

The encouraging news for women is that, for most men–Ken included–the expectation isn’t perfection, or even necessarily keeping the status quo. Most men accept that childbirth and the passing years will take a toll on their wife’s body. As Christians, we know our earthly bodies are “wasting away,” and thankfully, there will come a day when we’ll receive new and glorious bodies. (Oh, how I long for that day!)

The truth is that most husbands are proud and grateful if they can simply see their wives making an effort to stay in shape and take care of themselves. Even if it proves to be somewhat of a losing struggle, our husbands appreciate when we do this–for them, as well as for our own health and wellbeing. I’m proud of my husband’s efforts to stay fit and I want him to feel similar pride in me.

One thing I’ve learned–and that Feldhahn’s book confirmed–is that Ken sees it as an expression of my love for him when I make an effort to look nice for him, when I make the best of the physical attributes I’ve been “dealt.” I’ve learned how to dress to hide a few of those extra pounds I carry. I rarely go without putting on a little makeup and fixing my hair–even if I’m not going anywhere. All the physical things we judge ourselves so harshly on–don’t matter nearly so much as the simple effort we make to look the best we can for our husband’s sake.

Sometimes, of course, husbands might need to be reminded that a woman’s beauty is not supposed to come only from outward appearances, but from the “unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit that is so precious to God.”

Jesus used the metaphor of His body as a temple (John 2:18-22) and we see the analogy again in reference to us in 1 Corinthians 3:16-17. Our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, and as such we should take care of them. However, there is a fine balance between being obsessed with our body image, spending far too much time, money and effort on our physical appearance, and caring enough to honor our husbands by taking care of ourselves.

I think I’ll go for a nice, brisk walk while I pray about discovering that perfect balance.

Discussion:

Read 1 Peter 3:3-4 and 1 Corinthians 7:4

How do you and your spouse view each other’s bodies? On a scale from “appreciative” to “judgmental” where would each of you fall?

Have you struggled with your own body image? With your opinion of your spouse’s body? Has this changed from the beginning of your marriage until now? Why?

What are some ways you can find balance in this issue–not placing too much importance on the way you look, yet honoring your body as a temple of the Holy Spirit?

Read Psalm 139:13-14 aloud. Thank God for the marvel of the body he gave you. Thank him for the way your body works, even if it may not look as good as it could, or as you wish it did.

Read 1 Corinthians 7:4 aloud together as a couple. Thank God for your bodies, however flawed they might be, and rejoice that he intended us to enjoy one another’s bodies. Begin today to care for your body as though it belonged to your spouse–because it does!

Deborah Raney has been writing for thirteen years and is at work on her fifteenth novel. Her first novel, A Vow to Cherish, inspired the World Wide Pictures film of the same title. The book was recently reissued in an updated version for the ten-year anniversary of its first release. Deb and her husband, Ken, have been married for thirty-four years and live in Kansas. They have four children and two grandsons. Visit Deborah’s website at http://www.deborahraney.com/.

Tobi Layton is a fifth grade teacher and freelance writer in southeast Missouri. Tobi has been married for seven years to Ryan Layton, a high school biology teacher. Tobi and Ryan are involved with the high school and junior high youth groups at their church in Cape Girardeau, Missouri. The Laytons have two sons.

Tobi Layton is the daughter of Ken and Deborah Raney. The Raneys and the Laytons share an August 11 wedding anniversary.

From www.crosswalk.com